Someone true res'ed the LIST!

RANDOM SENTENCES THAT SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT
AND/OR ARE JUST DARNED FUNNY

Most of these are from D&D sessions, but there are also plenty
from day-to-day existence. Feel free to ask for an explanation of
any of them, although I can't guarantee a coherent answer.

Or an answer at all.

1. "I have duck feet!!!" -Amanda
2. "Yes, Nic, I think you're the cutest man I've ever seen." -Tim
3. "Wow… that was really IN there!" -Amanda
4. "Now I have sock burn." -Amanda
5. "Careful with my orifices!" -Amanda
6. "That's my foam!!" -Tim
7. "Can you please get your character sheet off of my howler?" -Tim
8. "…I was too excited about my bosses." -Scott
9. "It's celestial vomit!" -Nic
10. -"Can you throw up in this box for us?" -Nic
-"Maybe you'll be lucky and he'll be bulimic." -Amanda
11. "It feel goooood!" -Scott
12. "I need some rotting flesh." -Tim
13. "Grapple juice!" -Amanda
14. "It's an abnormally long wiener." -Tim

15. "NEVER be sorry for painting rice!" -Amanda
16. "I'm a girl with a pink cape." -Tim
17. "I'm a big fat lazy zoo tiger!" -Amanda
18. "Rest harder!" -Tim
19. "Too much poo?" -Tim
20. "We'll need poo on a stick in case we fall on hard times." -Amanda
21. "Frodo on the licks!! Frodo on the licks!!" -Amanda
22. "I still have ape boobs!" -Scott
23. "He's not pulsating with size!" -Scott
24. "I got SO drunk at that Summoning Circle…" -Scott
25. (to an enemy) "I will avenge your death!" -Marc
26. "…Well, if we're going to be dealing with sentient portals…" -Amanda
27. "Curse you, rubber dealie of stickiness!" -Scott
28. "I write erotic novels for children." -Scott
29. "I just grabbed something tiny and naked!" -Scott
30. "I'm feral!" -Scott
31. "Is it indeed the sun having a baby?" -Scott
32. "Lick first, THEN piss!" -Amanda
33. "I lick my friends, too!" -Marc
34. "I went to a bad place…" -Scott
35. "Tim IS the princess!" -Amanda
36. "Who gave the T-Rex some crack??" -Scott
37. "Don't poke it-RUB it!" -Marc
38. "I eat six dogs." -Jason
39. "Good people help people who need help!" -Scott
40. "I don't want to jump the musket…" -Amanda
41. -"I can turn into an elasmosaurus!!" -Jason
-"So can I." -Scott
42. "Ooo, blight!" -Jason
43. "Bring Tommy and sacks!" -Scott
44. "But it's all cold and half-wet…" -Tim
45. "My poop duct is loose!" -Amanda
46. "That's not true. Being evil is worse than being predictable." -Amanda
47. "You just smooshed my nose probe!" -Tim
48. "Leave my oats out of this!" -Tim
49. "Scott has parents? I thought he was the spawn of pure evil." -Amanda
50. "I can get my own unspeakable power later!" -Amanda
51. "No, it was in YOUR nose first!" -Amanda
52. "No more nose crackers!!" -Amanda
53. "Trains move pretty fast. They can't jump out of the way easily." -Nic
54. "It killed a friend and made a backpack out of it!" -Nic
55. "I'm the daughter of… the guy whose name I forgot." -Nic
56. "Get confused more often!" -Scott
57. "I guess it's time to eat Erik!" -Scott
58. "Don't kill me! I made myself look like a Neanderthal!" -Nic
59. "I wanna fight dragons that are immune to my damage!" -Scott
60. "I'm gonna throw you at things!" -Nic
61. "She killed more stuff than she mercified." -Scott
62. "It's like kissing Tom Selleck!" -Tim
63. "I am roll of tape-hear me roar!" -Tim
64. "It's harder to teach people cannibalism." -Scott
65. "I've been ready to be gang-beaten all my life!" -Scott
66. "A mysterious dog will appear from out of nowhere and bring you back to life." -Scott
67. "I have healing hair gel!" -Scott
68. "I'm an androgynous fairy guy!" -Scott
69. "W00t! You're made of puddin'!" -Tim
70. "I'm still bummed that I died… but hey, that's life." -Amanda
71. "Terrorists are attacking-stop giving people mortgages!" -Scott
72. "Wow… this gets rid of my headache AND makes me hallucinate!" -Nic
73. "Death DOES make life simple!" -Scott
74. "You're pushing my gas leg!!" -Amanda
75. "I don't ride a ferret!!" -Amanda
76. "If you look up, it's like you're flying through space… except that your eyes hurt." -Amanda
77. "W00T… I'm decorous!" -Amanda
78. "I kissed you under pretence of spoon rather than quadrangle!" -Tim
79. "Did you just say 'ginormous' in a southern accent?" -Amanda
80. "Trees should not have houses." -Amanda
81. "Feral Pac-Man!" -Nic
82. "The air is flopping him around and making him defend himself." -Scott
83. "I have wings, therefore I see in the dark." -Amanda
84. "Woohoo, I imposed logic on your hit points!" -Nic
85. "…Like a flying buffalo…" -Tommy
86. "Oh crap-they're invisible and mouthy!" -Marc
87. "Now my nose smells like toast for some reason…" -Amanda
88. "This is great apart from the fact that I'm getting bludgeoned by a pom-pom." -Tim
89. "I love you for some reason!" -Amanda
90. "Did you just pinch me with your eyeball?" -Tim
91. "I'll have the McSquirrel." -Amanda
92. "Do I want to be really unwise or really stupid?" -Chris J.
93. "I've got wood for sheep! I've got wood for sheep!" -Ian
94. "It's a police zebra!" -Amanda
95. "Now, are they tearing off their own bones to throw at you or what?" -Sara
96. "Aaaahh, tiny rabid pillows!" -Sara

97. "I'm not sure I want an army of well-endowed priests running amok." -Nic
98. "Daisy cruuush!" -Scott
99. "Blink it up, dog!" -Jason
100. "People die of natural causes… like Finger of Death." -Jason
101. "He was a man that was born and wanted to be a carpet." -Jason
102. "Desecration elates me." -Scott
103. "Your scrotum isn't detailed enough!" -Scott
104. "Then I couldn't do it cuz someone put manacles on my butt." -Scott
105. "These appear to be anoscopes without spiders…" -Dr. J. Holman
106. "I found a dangling Santa Claus!" -Tim
107. "Is the nipple ring magic?" -Scott
108. "Ew, you bit a flaming zombie!" -Amanda
109. "I collect some flaming flesh." -Scott
110. "I feel emasculated… and I'm a female." -Scott
111. "He's listening to the sermon-GET HIM!" -Tim
112. "Don't play with toys!" -Amanda's mom
113. "Yes, eat Chris-he's so lean and tasty! …Wait a second…." -Nic
114. "I mind Tim smell!" -Nic
115. "I fall on the bat. We both explode." -Scott
116. "Cannibals can't wear full plate!" -Scott
117. "I… think I've…. had… enough… chocolate….!!" -Amanda
118. "You're making me be molestive!" -Amanda
119. "My forehead feels bad…." -Amanda
120. "Seriously Tommy, you are my knight in shining frickin' armor!" -Nic
121. "Not as wet, but way more willy!" -Tim
122. "It's a little Asian kid painted blue!" -Amanda

123. "I'll be a lesbian elephant." -Amanda
124. "We don't have any money; let's sell some dirt." -Amanda
125. "It's funny 'cause I haven't eaten many skunks this week!" -Tim
126. "Are you having a sexual experience with dried fruit?" -Amanda
127. "It's not a knuckle sandwich, it's a fist pie!!" -Amanda
128. "I think we're male torsoing it." -Tim
129. "What if I had a medical condition where you couldn't wear clothes?" -Tim
130. "Come on, you're from Singapore! Leave me alone!" -Scott
131. "Why do people pee in ice??" -Amanda
132. "Are you currently in a bear?" -Amanda
133. "I wish I was more charismatic! I wish I was more charismatic! I wish I was more charismatic! I wish I was more charismatic! I wish I was more charismatic! I wish I didn't have this friggin spell!" -Nic
134. "Today I will not enlarge myself!" -Nic
135. "Don't be dead, don't be dead-it should be noted that I'm on the ceiling!" -Nic
136. "Nose rat!" -Tim
137. "Did you just call me 'ankle hat'?!" -Tim
138. "But did you know there was alcohol in the Jello?" -Eric
139. "It may be a federal offense to own a hummingbird carcass…" -Tim
140. "Conventional weapons aren't designed for hamsters." -Tim

141. "What is the range on your tongue?" -Mike
142. "I know it's a right angle triangle, but the hypotenuse has a much higher speed limit." -Chris J.
143. "You need to get a fuzzy D7." -Chris J.
144. "Retro is, like, so yesterday…." -Lesley
145. "Quick, make fun of me!!!" -Amanda
146. "I don't pay enough attention to your ankles." -Arch-Amanda
147. "I don't have any bassoonists!" -Amanda
148. "I'm a man! I can't stop being a man!" -Wendy
149. "I am without gruntles!" -Amanda
150. "I didn't make any smells…" -Amanda
151. "My forearms are not musical instruments." -Amanda
152. "Now I'm blind, and wrong!" -Amanda
153. "The great alarm clock in the sky has betrayed me!" -Nic
154. "I can drag myself backwards into a hospital!" -Chris J.
155. "Mmmm… cyclasmic." -Chris J.
156. "Probing for Rolos!" -Chris J.
157. "Wow, I'm so full of blood, but who am I?" -Amanda

158. "I don't mind contributing to your smelling-good fund!" -Amanda
159. "Seven times pants." -Tim
160. "Don't declammify on me!" -Amanda
161. "What have you got against hobo sacks?" -Amanda
162. "Something fell in my shoe that came from your pants!" -Amanda
163. "Stop making doorbell noises in my mouth." -Amanda
164. "I can't remember, I was too euphoric from the nipples!" -Tim
165. "It's not that cavernous…" -Amanda
166. "Yeah, all of a sudden your leg matters…" -Tim
167. "Don't suppose I could interest you in a flaming log…?" -Tim
168. "I'd be sitting there blowing up if no one was in me." -Amanda
169. "That's the cowiest thing I've ever seen!" -Amanda
170. "It is necessary to maculate Terry Farrell." -Tim
171. "There's a sock on my heart." -Tim
172. "Oh no, I've been breadified!" -Tim
173. "I represent the invisible and hairless." -Amanda
174. "You also owe me a bladder full of urine!" -Scott
175. "It's 85% more imminent." -Scott
176. "'I like your crown.' 'I like your sandwich.' 'Let's eviscerate!'" -Scott
177. "I'm a corn vampire!" -Sara

178. "…If a monkey could be attractive…." -Sara
179. "I don't think I would mind if Brad Pitt bit my neck." -Sara
180. "I kinda like being a snake." -Sara
181. "I refuse to be in a polygamous marriage with a Klingon!" -Tim
182. "Did I tell you about that time I accidentally seduced a 12-year-old boy?" -Nic
183. "I'm ripping my head in half!" -Amanda
184. "Does the vague mooing discourage you?" -Amanda
185. "If I met a slug I'd say, 'I don't want to feel your qualities!'" -Chris J.
186. "I don't need any frigging laurels!" -Tim
187. "Dangit, I lost one of my elephants!" -Amanda
188. "I hate this low-gravity sewer!" -Amanda
189. "Why does pizza and milk smell like Coke breath?" -Amanda
190. "I got a little emotional over a basement." -Amanda
191. "Insert Klingon here!" -Amanda
192. "Rent me! RENT ME!!" -Tim
193. "Stop wielding the juice at me." -Amanda
194. "Dude, you got a lot of mustard on you…" -Tim

195. "I can judge my own bum, thank you." -Amanda
196. "What if I want to be a birth control ninja?" -Tim
197. "Masturbation between Star Trek!" -Amanda
198. "Love should be banned with dogs." -Amanda
199. "Refillable freckled poo on a lemonade stick!" -Tim
200. "What are you doing?! That's not my docking port!" -Tim
201. "With all due respect, I was here first. You sat behind my butt." -Amanda
202. "Can I have a tunnelling horse?" -Chris J.
203. "Barky is worse than Bitey." -Chris J.
204. "A smelly chest? Maybe there's a dog inside!" -Chris J.
205. "I have diminished scooting capacity." -Tim
206. "I may be relaxed, but you're still dumb!" -Tim
207. "Can I change my hug number to eight?" -Dennis
208. "This is a very pleasant game-I should try to lose all the time!" -Chris J.
209. "Fruit's just a veggie that doesn't know its place." -Dennis
210. "Slimy bum of insanity!" -Amanda
211. "You know those unintentional nipple piercings?" -Marc
212. "I could play golf with goblins." -Tommy
213. "Greetings, condemned souls!" -Scott
214. "He'll be doing an interpretive dance about getting eaten by a dracolich." -Jason
215. "No, I think fabric-covered stumps are enough for you." -Amanda
216. "You like roundabout, non-explicit sexuality!" -Tim
217. "It's not rocket surgery!" -Lee
218. "What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, poo." -Anonymous
219. "I mean, really, what would I do with a photo of a gravity-defying snow-woman?" -Amanda
220. "Yes, I keep my ego in a fruitcake." -Tim
221. "The trees here do not speak… unless spoken to." -Jason
222. "There's something fulfilling about spinning around and decapitating yourself with a scythe." -Jason
223. "Honey, stop fondling your dragon." -Amanda
224. "There's no 'h' in 'wood'." -Chris
225. "It looked more like a bunch of stretched-out pine cones than a hydra." -Chris J.
226. "You're throwing roads at me!" -Amanda
227. "Did you just hit me with a footlong?" -Amanda
228. "Maybe they're adopting a pregnant baby." -Chris G.
229. "Where's a decomposed boot when you need one?" -Nic
230. "Don't look at my circles!!" -Amanda
231. "Believe me, I've seen a lot of baby peacocks in my time." -Tim
232. "Help me! …But not with kisses because that's weird right now and you smell like onions." -Amanda
233. "And then it's got these little dangly things…." -Tim
234. "Two Worfs, what's-her-name, what's-his-name, what's-their-names, and the two big ones." -Amanda
235. "What's wrong with trying to harness the limitless power of heresy?" -Jason
236. "People! They just keep coming! They just keep being born!" -Amanda's mom
237. "I have to get the cucumber out of my head!" -Amanda
238. "I found it in my sweatpants?" -Amanda
239. "…In case you get thirsty while you're peeing." -Amanda
240. "Favoured enemy: paparazzi." -Amanda
241. "He's unfamiliar with familiars." -Chris J.
242. "I have healing on a stick." -Chris J.
243. "I'd tell you it's by Tommy Wong's house, but that wouldn't really help you… especially since he doesn't live there anymore." -Tim
244. "Why don't you ever buy me whistling gorillas?" -Amanda
245. "How do you know my porn star name?!" -Amanda
246. "No wonder you smell so good-you smell like me!" -Amanda
247. "Well, somebody's dying, and that's always good." -Tim
248. "I need help-and toast!" -Amanda
249. "It's not so much that I want to live as that it's so uncomfortable not being able to breathe." -Amanda
250. "Don't make rubbing noises when I can't see you." -Tim
251. "Was I walking with my feet upside down?" -Amanda
252. "I need extra arms!" -Jason
253. "Can I stick my head in your yogurt vat?" -Tim
254. "Me with a cylinder, and a bum that's probably yours." -Amanda
255. "Well, that never hurts… actually, it does hurt, all the time." -Amanda
256. "Why walk when you can limp?" -Mel
257. "But it's your plaque!" -Tim
258. "You just elephanted me!" -Tim
259. "Did you just briefly become Chinese?" -Tim
260. "I'm not Amish; I'm a hobgoblin!" -Chris J.
261. "All the good ones are horseflies." -Dennis/Tim
262. "Explosive jelly bean action!" -Chris J.
263. "I'm made from rice." -Dennis
264. "We'll be looking for qualities of boulevards." -Chris J.
265. "I wanna be a person who beats people up for doing stupid things-I'd be like a superhero!" -Amanda
266. "My dice are not snacks!" -Amanda
267. "The cat's out of the bag, as it were… or, the fox out of the box." -Chris J.
268. "I put the snake in a half nelson." -Dennis
269. "Wow, I wish there was some way I could somehow fly magically without my knowledge." -Tommy
270. "Am I king of something yet?" -Scott
271. "It's D&D-there's mysterious orbs everywhere." -Scott
272. "They're not quite as inevitable as they used to be-now they're quite evitable." -Scott
273. "Way to be a demigod." -Scott
274. "I can see you, so you're not really there." -Jason
275. "The kind of noise that has skin?" -Scott
276. "I will try to benchpress the ceiling." -Jason
277. "I can't resist the urge to poke!" -Chris J.
278. "That would just be wonton destruction." -Chris J.
279. "I wonder if the next adventuring party will notice that a cube of the ceiling above them is fleshy." -Amanda
280. "Mmm… banana paint foot." -Chris J.
281. "It looks like a bean wearing two big chef's hats!" -Amanda
282. "I needed the brine because of the dancing." -Amanda
283. "Now how come I never got a rug with my face on it?" -Tim
284. "I brandish my badger!" -Amanda
285. "Are they Mexican orcs?" -Scott
286. "…Although, why anyone would have a pet tiger and not wear any clothes is beyond me." -Amanda
287. "Most people probably don't expect a dire badger to be in a hotel room." -Amanda
288. -"Hello, you appear human." -Amanda
-"Almost… TOO human…." -Jason and Dennis (simultaneously)
289. "Mmm… that's some sexy gravel." -Jason
290. "It's a messenger/nice, light snack." -Chris
291. "We're not people, we're friends!" -Dennis
292. "I don't taste good-I'm all glowy!" -Amanda
293. "Why does he get the tumor bean?" -Scott
294. "Use our software-we make eunuchs!" -Amanda
295. "Chris, leave the room—I need to talk to the duck." -Katie
296. "Should the duck be giftwrapped?" -Tim
297. "E-mule: Half horse…. half donkey…. all digital!" -Amanda
298. "Are you going to blow us more dogs?" -Tim
299. "While the women are busy offering themselves…." -Mark
300. "Can we give Marlene to the flute person?" -Spencer
301. "It's not love without flavour crystals." -Brandon
302. "Who's Mark and Alex? …Oh, Mark! …And Alex." -Megan
303. "Did you just uncoil your coaster?" -Donald
304. "It's a standard metric oodle." -Tim
305. "Look at all the little guys there! Aww, they're so cute… and dead!" -Chris
306. "How can you forget you're in a blood frenzy?" -Dennis
307. "This is the PERFECT time to use an elephant!" -Amanda
308. "Without being actually hoisted on your own batarde, there is no more appropriate way of being hoisted on your own batarde." -Chris
309. "I have a bruise the size of a Volkswagon" –Donald
310. "Hold still I’m going to strap you to my animated tower shield" –Tim
311. "You're the most useful person to have around in an earthquake" -Chris
312. "You don't need to be visible to use the mask" - Tim
313. "You don't want that leg back, it might turn you into a vampire" - Chris.
314. "Summon Monster 2, Electric Boogaloo" - Jacob
315. "Sorry, you were saying something about cars, Hope, and Lesley?" -Chris J.
"And the Greatest of these is Lesley." -Dennis L.
316. "I'm going to have to investigate this further; to find out if he really died because of orgies." - Alyssa S.
317. "Everything's so precise until we get to the metric buttload." - Chris J.
318. "Dangit, I didn't even get to meet him yet and he's already clothed!" - Tim G.
319. "That's the lamest McName I've ever heard!" - Chris J.
320. "'Good cop' isn't in undergarments." -Tim G.
321. "Corpses aren't so nearly as evasive." -Tim G.
322. "Hopefully my chastity belt won't raise too many eyebrows." -Tim G.
323. "The G-string on top of the chastity belt." - Brandon L.
"Now that's hot." - Tim G.
324. "We leave no stone unturned here at Northwest Music, where occasionally we have power." -Mark G.
325. "However if it were a piece of particle board falling, I would look quite the fool." -Tim G.
326. "Try harder, it's eating your weasel" -Donald C.
327. "You find the bartender to be very pliant, however unable to affect change on a political level." -Tim G.
328. "No, it's not a time machine! Presbyterians don't have time machines." -Chris J.
329. "I just drank my spoon by accident." -Chris J.
330. "I'm sorry but we're on a very important mission to collect flowers." -Dennis
331. "I think this was meant for you from the beginning, and it's not just because I don't want to jump into a volcano, but that's a large part of it." -Amanda
332. "My rage is more generic!" -Jacob
333. "It's pretty easy to squash igloos with panzers." - Chris J.
334. "Unfortunately I don't have Mandy's armpit at my disposal." -Chris J.
335. "I dispute your cubicness. Your father was a parellelogram!" - Dennis L.
336. "Hands up those who are paralyzed! C'mon, hands UP!" -Tim G.
337. "I can't really talk anymore - I'm wasps." -Phil (in a Mrs. Doubtfire voice)
338. "Now adding tetanus to the joys of warfare." -Phil
339. "Honey, can you blind me so I can get a guide horse?" -Amanda
340. "This Lego has interesting flavours… I never thought I'd say that." -Chris J.
341. "We can add boobs to it on the fly." -Tim
342. "I do not teleport people around just so they can get jiggy with it." - Dennis
343. "Hungry Hungry Otyughs" - Dennis
344. "I hope it likes the taste of halfling urine" -Amanda
345. "Ew, don't drool on my buns, please." -Victoria
346. "It will be attacked by a swarm of bats and a house." -Phil
347. "You can mass slaughter the children later, I'M telling a story!." -Tim
348. "Tim, I prestidigitate a sheet into a muumuu." -Phil
349. "I have procured another hooker; excellent." -Phil
350. "He will be unconcious, and the water he will reach for will be full of diarrhea potion." -Phil
351. "have I ever told you about the time I made taser gloves" -Alex
352. "the only thing i can reliably do is take it all off." -Amanda
353. "Time to pop a few cherry tomatoes." - Amanda
354. "Boy that oil really makes you do stuff." - Vikki
355. "If the dolphin can give me mouth to blowhole I don't see how that could hurt." -Chris J
356. "Stop reproducing with my grandparents!" -Chris J.
357. "I intimidate them into knowing that I'm helping them." -Dennis L.

MORE TO COME!

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